fantasy casting for Cackle

I have no idea if Cackle, by Rachel Harrison will ever be adapted into a film or series, but I think there’s certainly a possibility. Here is my fantasy casting* for Cackle, more-or-less in order of the characters’ appearances in the novel.

• Nadia, 27 years old, long dark hair, confident and knows what’s up: Zendaya.
• Sam, good sense of humour, Annie’s ex boyfriend: Pete Davidson. Yeah, that’s right – America’s ex-boyfriend.
• Atlas, the scary (and scared) old fortune teller in Manhattan: Viola Davis. Don’t come at me! I know Ms. Davis is not nearly old enough, but I think she could play the shit outta that late night fortune teller lady. I’d only regret that it’s such a small part.
• Lynn, the absentee landlady: Doris Speed from Coronation Street. Google her.
• Matt, an old classmate of Annie’s from NYU: Bruno Mars. I know, maybe he’s not technically an actor, but I can’t control who my brain assigns to fictional characters!
• Roberta, the AP English teacher at Aster High who abandons Annie in her filthy basement classroom: Julia Garner, because I can’t think of anyone who might give fewer fucks about a new co-worker, even though she is too good for such a small part!

• Pat, a military dude, Annie’s father who likes Sam more than his own daughter: Clint Eastwood. Even though Pat never really appears in person, I like to imagine him as a crusty old mofo.
• Chris Bersten, the teenage arsehole who torments Annie with chirping: Anthony Michael Hall from National Lampoon’s Vacation in 1983.
• Madison Thorpe, the wearer of Doc Martens and dark eyeliner in Annie’s high school classroom: Neve Campbell. You know she could pull it off.
• Beth, a student who uses ASL, Madison’s bestie: Ayumi Hamasaki. Partly because she is an actor with hearing loss, but mostly because she’s awesome!
• Rose, a baker and vendor at the farmer’s market: Helen Mirren.
• Erik, the son of the coffee shop guy: Noah Schnapp. You know him as Will Byers on Stranger Things.
• Oskar, the coffee shop guy with short silver hair and crows’ feet: George Clooney. Yes, the character in the book had blue eyes, but I like me some George Clooney.
• Tilda, an ancient lady selling berries at the farmer’s market: Maggie Smith. Ugh, I don’t want to imply she’s “ancient” though… I’m so so sorry Maggie Smith – please don’t come after me, I love you!
• Tom, owner of the diner who is scared of Sophie: Rick Moranis. He’s just too good at comedy grovelling. Comovelling? Gromedy? You know what I’m saying.
• Kylie Hamilton, a random student: a random extra.
• Joe Alvarez, another random student: another random extra.
• Tyler, a 6′ tall shithead student in Annie’s class: Shia LaBeouf circa his first Transformers movie.
• Alex, the liquor store lady: Courtney Cox.
• Tanner Robertson, aka Peacoat Bob – a former student of Annie’s: Michael J. Fox, when he played Alex P. Keaton on Family Ties in the 80s.
• Jill, the straight bangs/high pony wholesome thirtysomething vice principal: Bryce Dallas Howard, like she was in Jurassic World
• Deirdre, seller of baked goods, wearer of a jumpsuit and shaved head: Natalie Portman? Yes. Definitely.
• Shannon, the red headed new girl with Sam: Kate Mara. Eeek! Yes! Even though Shannon only shows up in a photograph, it’s got to be Kate Mara’s face we see.
• Helen, the absent wife of Oskar: Charlize Theron, because she friggin broke my heart in The Road, and she’d break my heart abandoning George Clooney, too.
• Dan, Jill’s obtuse husband: Chris Pratt – he plays oblivious like no one else.
• Pascal, the dud blind date: Adrien Brody.
• Ralph: to be played by himself. Limited options here.
• Rebecca Deacon, another random uppity teacher at Aster High: a random extra would likely do fine here.
• Theodore, the bloated dead guy lurking around Sophie’s cellar: Christopher Meloni would rock Theodore, I know it.